The significance of that trainspotting cow

first_imgSend your letters to [email protected] And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Rob Pitt.NEWS, BITS AND BOBSArsenal have announced a management restructure after Ivan Gazidis did one to Milan, with Raul Sanllehi becoming head of football and Vinai Venkatesham MD.Bolton defender Stephen Darby has announced his retirement, aged 29, after being diagnosed with motor neurone disease. “I would like to ask for privacy at this time so I can adjust to the battle I have ahead and so that I can spend time with those closest to me,” he said.Mikel Arteta has been wheeled out for some lukewarm chat about Manchester City’s Big Cup hopes. “For me we have the best players in the world at this club,” he cheered.Jaroslav Silhavy, a former national team assistant who holds the record for domestic league appearances as a player, is the new Czech Republic manager.And Benfica thrashed Ponte de Frielas 28-0 [TWENTY-EIGHT – Fiver vidiprinter] on their debut in the Portuguese women’s second division.STILL WANT MORE?Our obituary of Ipswich Town legend Kevin Beattie. Pinterest Facebook Share on WhatsApp Facebook Twitter Read more BIG CUP IS BACK, BABY!Sound the Big Cup klaxon, because European football’s elite club competition is back for yet another season of transcontinental intrigue. Between now and 1 June, Europe’s finest will duke it out across 125 matches, travelling tens of thousands of miles to play a minimum of 187 hours and 30 minutes of football between them. It’s a hell of palaver, but the time-saving alternative – simply not bothering and just handing the trophy to Sergio Ramos again next May – isn’t quite as lucrative. And besides, last year’s final, which featured an English club, attracted a UK audience of almost 4.2m on subscription channel BT Sport.While that’s a lot of people if you’re counting “special fun time” partners, it’s not as many as watch EastEnders, another midweek soap opera with a continuous open narrative featuring pantomime villainy, despair, heartbreak, emotional and moral conflict, plus the odd bit of ropey acting. But then, EastEnders remains free to air, has a slightly more iconic theme tune and is nowhere near as predictable. Tottenham, Liverpool, Manchester City and Manchester United are the Premier League’s representatives this season and it is the London club who get the ball rolling in the first slew of staggered kick-off times that ensure those who already can’t be bothered with pre-Christmas Big Cup will now have even more opportunities not to watch it. Share on Pinterest Share on Twitter Pinterest Before his team’s game against Inter at San Siro, Mauricio Pochettino raised eyebrows by announcing he’d left Kieran Trippier and Toby Alderweireld at home for unspecified “technical reasons”. It’s a big call for an out-of-sorts side who find themselves in a group that also contains Barcelona and PSV, but Poch attempted to clarify his decision with a very confusing analogy. “It is like a cow that, every day in 10 years, sees the train cross in front at the same time,” he said. “If you ask the cow, ‘What time is the train going to come?’, it is not going to know the right answer. In football, it is the same,” he added, as assembled hacks looked at him impassively much like a herd of cud-chewing Hereford Cross cattle might gaze at a passing Class 390 Pendolino.Later on, in another hellish group, Liverpool entertain PSG at Anfield, while Red Star Belgrade return to Big Cup action after a 27-year absence by hosting Napoli. Having fallen at the final hurdle last season, Liverpool have reinforced in several key positions, while concerns about the recent selfishness of two of their frontmen have been allayed by the sight of Mo Salah and Sadio Mané spending so much time ostentatiously passing condiments to each other at lunch that neither actually found time to eat. Reluctant to get carried away by five consecutive Premier League wins, Jürgen Klopp dismissed them as being unimportant. “I’m sorry it’s a boring story but I cannot deliver a more exciting one,” he said, sparing the press pack further anguish as they continued grappling with the significance of that trainspotting cow.LIVE ON BIG WEBSITEJoin Barry Glendenning from maverick time of 5.55pm BST for hot Big Cup coverage of Inter 1-1 Tottenham, while Bryan Graham will be on hand for Barcelona 3-1 PSV, followed by Paul Doyle with you for Liverpool 2-2 PSG.QUOTE OF THE DAY“Neuer indirectly accused Mesut of not having worn the German jersey with pride. This is unacceptable. Müller did not understand the whole discussion. And Kroos, as a seasoned national team player, should explain what he means by ‘nonsense’. There are only two explanations: they are either naive or scheming” – Erkut Sögüt, Mesut Özil’s Mr 15%, fires back at Manuel Neuer, Thomas Müller and Toni Kroos for comments in the wake of the midfielder’s decision to quit international football.RECOMMENDED LOOKINGTry and purge your mind of Mario Kart 64mm images with some David Squires. RIP. Photograph: Colorsport/Rex/Shutterstock Champions League Yes Don! Illustration: David Squires/The Guardian The Fiver Twitter Pinterest Reuse this content Topics Twitter Thomas Tuchel returns to Liverpool with scars and a point to prove Facebook Share via Email A campaign started by three fans for free sanitary products inside grounds is helping break the taboo around periods, reports Suzanne Wrack.Thomas Tuchel has a point to prove as he returns with PSG to Anfield, writes Jacob Steinberg.Jürgen Klopp, however, is all bubbly about the prospect, adds Andy Hunter.Spurs can take inspiration from Gareth Bale’s heroics in their last Big Cup set-to with Inter at San Siro, reckons David Hytner.Real Sociedad and Athletic Bilbao showcased the unique strengths of the game in the Basque Country, explains Sid Lowe.Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!WOOF! Share on LinkedIn features Share on Facebook Choux beauty! Photograph: Keith Leighton/Alamy Share on Messenger SUPPORT THE GUARDIANProducing the Guardian’s thoughtful, in-depth journalism [the stuff not normally found in this email, obviously – Fiver Ed] is expensive, but supporting us isn’t. If you value our journalism, please support us. In return we can hopefully arm you with the kind of knowledge that makes you sound slightly less uninformed during those hot reactive gegenpress chats you so enjoy. And if you think what we do is enjoyable [again, etc and so on – Fiver Ed], please help us keep coming back here to give you more of the same.FIVER LETTERS“In Jonathan Wilson’s piece about Andriy Yarmolenko and West Ham, he mentioned the William Carvalho Protocol. This echoes when he mentioned the Guardiola Impossibility last December. Ergo, the million-dollar question: does Jonathan Wilson come up with episode names for The Big Bang Theory?” – Lord Kia.“Re: Harry Kane’s fatigue (yesterday’s Fiver): didn’t he just become a father? I fell asleep at work at least twice a day during the first six months of my daughter’s life, usually after singing Old MacDonald until five in the morning. I even arranged a meeting in Bonn one week just so I could get some undisturbed sleep on the train. Give the man a break. And some caffeine tablets” – Tim Woods.“Re: footballer desserts for Tom Murray-Rust (yesterday’s Fiver letters). After dinner, I like a nice glass of port and some Peter Stilton” – Mark Cherrie.“I reckon Tom couldn’t go wrong with any of the following: Di Canio-li, Neymarctic roll, pineapple upside-Downing cake, Eton Messi, Steve McCranachan, or my favourite … fruit Salah” – Peter Oh.“To add a bit of flair, when making Brian McClairs, it’s an idea to put choccy in the hole and go choux up top” – Rob Pitt.last_img


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *